Tuesday, December 23, 2008

my mother thinks i'm a joke.

Every single thing that i say or do, my mom laughs in my face looks at me like i'm the biggest douche bag she's ever met. I'm so fucking sick of it.  As am I with all of this christmas bullshit.

Friday, December 19, 2008

snow day

Today is a snow day.  Fortunately, Sam and I are currently confined to my home.  All day, we've just been laying in bed.  We are drunk.  Today, we have: creeped myspace and facebook, [fake] played guitar, and drank.  I just painted the painting that I am giving my brother for christmas; I hope he likes it, but he probably won't. We're about to play a game called, "Boobie Trap." Once we are sufficiently intoxicated, we'll proceed outside the confines of these walls and play in the snow. It will be great.


Monday, December 15, 2008

Curiouser & Curiouser

I have become stuck upon a wall, filmed with the filth of another year passed.  I do not contest, I do not ebb in hope of sweet acquittance.  I comply with the fate that my body has become as captivated as the trash receptacle that is my mind, and quickly swallow what has been placed before me.  Incarcerated to the ceaseless deceit that seems to cascade from the mouths and minds of our widely despised [beloved] media, I am yet ever so free to think for myself within their specified guidelines.  With each fleeting year, the cells that comprise my brain seem to further accumulate, yet i find it harder and harder to do what comes natural and think for myself.  "Curiouser and Curiouser!" once cried Alice.  Well, luckily for me, curiosity killed the cat. 

Friday, December 12, 2008

For what will we have to say for ourselves when the moment of judgement finally arrives?   Perhaps the irrefutable malice that constantly seethes from our pores will be what saves us all. Or, perhaps our good intentions are that of idle nature, and that without acting upon those intentions, we bring upon our own affliction.  For each devoted sin, have we liberated ourselves of a good deed?  Can we barter each of our moral demerits for something of equal or lesser value?  We raise our glasses higher to those who constantly transgress the world's universal moral boundaries.  

The scales of good and evil have capsized; I leave these provisions for your consideration.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I've decided that i'm going to start being more optimistic, and start trying to make the best out of everything. There's no point in being miserable.

It's likely that this is easier said than done, but we'll see what happens.

Monday, December 8, 2008

I haven't bl0gg3d in a few days, so let me update you. Oh shit, my life is almost as boring as sleeping. Actually I wish that I was always sleeping, that waY I wouldn't have to deal with shit. I'd like to say that I'm just being existential, but I think it may just be called despondency. Except I'm really not even that depressed; just stressed.

The bad news: With that being said, I'm so stressed out about everything right now. I have 3 papers, 2 portfolios, and 2 exams to prepare for. It fucking $ucks. One of the papers is due tomorrow morning and I've barely started it... so i guess i'm fucked. I'm also stressed about some dumb shit that I got myself involved in with my best friend and some kid she's been seeing, so now we're not friends. And finally, I'm stressed about getting into school for next year so I can go away. I'm sure i'll get in, but as I've said many of times, the thought of having to stick around here for another year is enough to put my stomach in knots.

The good news: On the upside, I got an A on my Sociology paper that accounts for 40% of my semester grade. However, shortly after I realized that my professor is a professor at CCRI, and that English is his second language, therefore slaughtering the worth and credibility of my paper. 0h well. I've learned a few chords on my guitar this week via the internet, so that's cool. I'm S0UPT for winter break, mainly just for courtney to be home. She's the only person i like. I hope my mom goes away over break so I can have a party while everyone's home from school. If I do, you all are invited. (and by 'you all,' i mean no one, because that's who reads this).


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I've been on the fence lately about what I want to get for a tattoo on my 18th birthday . . .
However, I saw a tattoo of a literary definition that i really liked and I came up with these ideas :

life (laf). [n. F. libban f. líf .] I. The condition or
attribute of living or being alive; animate
existence. Opposed to death. (O.E.D.)

apathy (ˈa-pə-thē). [n. F. apatheia.] Indolence of mind,
indifference to what is calculated to move the feelings,
or to excite interest or action. (O.E.D.)

I'm not sure which one i'm going to do, it would be on the inside of my left bicep (or lack thereof).
It would be in Times New Roman

Monday, December 1, 2008

I don't really have much to say, everything has been pretty boring lately i guess. I've been so unmotivated lately to do anything from work to school work. blahhhhh. I had one huge paper due today that's 40% of my semester grade, and it was complete shit and I know it. THEN, I have two more big papers due on Thursday as well. I can't fucking wait until this semester is over. I feel so guilty because I haven't visited my grandfather since like the day before thanksgiving. I just haven't really had time, so i need to go tomorrow. . .

I wish I didn't have to wait until next year to get out of here. I know that I constantly reiterate this, but I'm so bored with everything. The only thing that's stopping me from applying to Emerson for next year is the $65 deposit . . . I just need to fucking do it already, even though I doubt that I'll actually get in. I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm stuck here for another year. I don't know why i made the decision to stay here in the first place, or why i applied to schools that I would never go to.

I need to find a good book to read. Preferably something depressing, perhaps on the same par as "the virgin suicides." I've forgotten how much I liked that book; maybe I'll read it again.

I'm boring . . . bL@hHhH